You're here for a reason.
My name is Brian & this is my genesis. A modern-day psalm of praise. The lamentations of a wandering soul. My journal of revelations till I reach the exodus of eternity's shore. Selah.
Ask and it will be given to you.
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“You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life & death to you.
It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box.
But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice.
Wouldn’t you then first discover how much you really trusted it?
The same with people.” - (C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed)
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Illusion
..in this season of my life, it is hard to admit that I am passively committing the great sin of believing that the physical things of this world is what is real.
Bills, income, relationships, my physical appetite, my desires, this body…
The tangible is real. Whatever is invisible seems too difficult of an effort to chase.
If I can’t see it, hear it, or feel it, it’s worth putting off for a while now until I handle these financial, social, physical, emotional problems…
I was reading the word today and was encouraged by this promise in the book of Habakkuk and I hope it encourages you all as well:
Habakkuk 2:4 “..but the righteous shall live by his faith.”
This is God responding to Habakkuk’s complaints during a time evil and injustice roamed freely in the land.
Habakkuk seemed to be yelling toward the sky, ‘Do you not see what’s happening?! I thought you were a God of justice! How could you be so tolerant of this evil! Do you not care!?’
And God says, ‘..the righteous will live by faith.’
He’s saying to Habakkuk, “What you see with your physical eyes is not what I see.
You see evil and destruction as the conclusion of your nation, but I see something else.
I see redemption coming, I see glory, I see justice soon prevailing, I see vengeance dealt to these nations oppressing you..’
This physical world is an illusion. What we can’t see, feel, hear, the invisible is paradoxically the reality.
Sometimes we feel like this depression is what’s real.
This pain in our heart is what’s real.
The financial debt is what’s real.
That break-up, that divorce, that moment when friends become strangers is what’s real.
That sickness, that cancer, that addiction, that struggle is what’s real.
We can be in a room filled with friends with plastic smiles, yet feel this excruciating stab of loneliness in our hearts.
We think the damage done in our relationships with our family or friends is the final chapter.
God says, ‘.. the righteous shall live by faith, not by sight.’
He sees something else… do you?
And look how poignantly this book ends in chapter 3… would you have it end any other way? It is absolutely beautiful in its eloquence. This is Habakkuk’s prayer to God which contrasts starkly to his opening complaint in chapter 1:
Habakkuk 3:16-18
I heard and my heart pounded,
my lips quivered at the sound;
decay crept into my bones,
and my legs trembled.
Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
to come on the nation invading us.Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.One comment to that: Hallelujah.
Despite this ache in my heart, the break in my relationships, or whatever is evident… Help me rejoice in You. Teach me what that unshakable joy is like.
I only see people enjoying the world behind me and the men and women of God in the hall of faith in front of me… and I’ve lost my way in waist-deep waters with no one to the left or right of me.
Won’t You help me during this time? God..
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Forgive me, Lord, for idolizing people I looked up to in my life so much to the point that what they actually said about me made me question my own identity.
I’m too “this”
or
I’m too “that”
Why do you behave like this? Stick with the norm.
Careless words he or she said that probably won’t enter their thoughts ever again will continuously echo in my head when I wake up,
when I’m driving,
when I’m at the gym,
when I’m showering,
when I’m lying in my bed…
Words hurt so much. Please be careful with your words.
I thought this was only something I had to experience in elementary/junior high when I was being bullied.
I never would have thought it would re-appear in my adult life.
Proverbs 18:21
“The tongue has the power of life and death,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
You’re either encouraging someone or destroying them.
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![“God does not, by the instant gift of His Spirit, make us always feel right, desire good, love purity, aspire after Him and His Will.
Therefore either He will not, or He cannot.
…The truth is this: He wants to make us in His own image, choosing the good, refusing the evil.
How should He effect this if He were always moving us from within, as He does at divine intervals toward the beauty of holiness?
…For God made our individuality as well as, and a greater marvel than, our dependence;
made our apartness from Himself, that freedom should bind us divinely dearer to Himself, with a new and inscrutable marvel of love;
for the Godhead is still at the root, is the making root of our individuality,
and the freer the man, the stronger the bond that binds him to Him who made his freedom.” - (George Macdonald, Use of Dryness]
Something I’ve been thinking about this past week while struggling with my sins.. I asked God,
‘why not just take all these worldly desires away?’
And then I realized, the greater glory is not in Him killing our lustful desires completely,
but rather, in the presence of an array of worldly alternatives and what the enemy dangles in our peripherals,
we still choose to walk towards Jesus and cling to His robes believing He only satisfies.
That is the greater glory. That is the greater testimony.
[Pic taken in my backyard surprisingly. Cloudy days are awesome]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/0a1e936b067ec85b326a8e91e14cf39b/tumblr_mmi9hajuFB1qaypt1o1_1280.jpg "http://blogforthought.tumblr.com/post/49973453563/god-does-not-by-the-instant-gift-of-his-spirit")
“God does not, by the instant gift of His Spirit, make us always feel right, desire good, love purity, aspire after Him and His Will.
Therefore either He will not, or He cannot.
…The truth is this: He wants to make us in His own image, choosing the good, refusing the evil.
How should He effect this if He were always moving us from within, as He does at divine intervals toward the beauty of holiness?
…For God made our individuality as well as, and a greater marvel than, our dependence;
made our apartness from Himself, that freedom should bind us divinely dearer to Himself, with a new and inscrutable marvel of love;
for the Godhead is still at the root, is the making root of our individuality,
and the freer the man, the stronger the bond that binds him to Him who made his freedom.” - (George Macdonald, Use of Dryness]
Something I’ve been thinking about this past week while struggling with my sins.. I asked God,
‘why not just take all these worldly desires away?’
And then I realized, the greater glory is not in Him killing our lustful desires completely,
but rather, in the presence of an array of worldly alternatives and what the enemy dangles in our peripherals,
we still choose to walk towards Jesus and cling to His robes believing He only satisfies.
That is the greater glory. That is the greater testimony.
[Pic taken in my backyard surprisingly. Cloudy days are awesome]
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![“Anxiety is necessary and even good.
It manifests itself at the juncture where an individual realizes the power he or she has in making decisions.
Anxiety is the realization of freedom and the possibility of choice. Some decisions are easy, and sometimes we become paralyzed in our decision-making.
Anxiety provoked me to face those decisions, the seemingly infinite possibilities set before me, and walk forward.
It provoked me to move.”
- Paraphrased excerpt from Kierkegaard’s reflections
[Pic taken of a surfer before diving in at Huntington Beach, Ca]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/24b0ace52ba912364008b5e9a0a8f723/tumblr_mme64iHA0v1qaypt1o1_1280.jpg "http://blogforthought.tumblr.com/post/49791463166/anxiety-is-necessary-and-even-good-it")
“Anxiety is necessary and even good.
It manifests itself at the juncture where an individual realizes the power he or she has in making decisions.
Anxiety is the realization of freedom and the possibility of choice. Some decisions are easy, and sometimes we become paralyzed in our decision-making.
Anxiety provoked me to face those decisions, the seemingly infinite possibilities set before me, and walk forward.
It provoked me to move.”
- Paraphrased excerpt from Kierkegaard’s reflections
[Pic taken of a surfer before diving in at Huntington Beach, Ca]
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![Forgive me for being explicit.
Really.
[Pic taken at Buena Park, Ca]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/9ff7c8ae68a6e3da620828802644f25a/tumblr_mmckzeJY121qaypt1o1_1280.jpg "http://blogforthought.tumblr.com/post/49725902725/forgive-me-for-being-explicit-really-pic")
Forgive me for being explicit.
Really.
[Pic taken at Buena Park, Ca]
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“I could use a fresh beginning too. All of my regrets are nothing new.“
Pic taken at Huntington Beach, Ca.
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![Social media is a stage. A platform for actors/actresses.
The computer screen is our costume. Our mask.
Reality is like being caught in public without your make-up and fake eyelashes.
People bump into you with your guards down in public and they notice you look or seem a bit different.
There appears to be a stark contrast from the person they thought was you behind the computer or phone and the person standing right in front of them.
You s-s-stutter and try to gather your thoughts & ‘personality’ quickly because one of the members of the audience just caught you backstage without your script.
You see, online, we have seconds and minutes before we can reply. No body language engaged or any contact with the eye.
We’re naked without technology. We’re all so socially awkward to some degree.
When we comment on our friend’s facebook page, we’re really actually wanting everyone else to see us interact on stage.
When we could so easily just call, text, email, or fb message, but no, we must show others what we’re talking about, where we’re going, what we like, and what we’re eating (food has become our idols; our belly our god. Phil. 3:19).
We scream deep down inside to the hundreds of others who are watching,
‘This is who I am. Doesn’t my personality look so attractive?
Look at these pictures that I’ve taken 30-minutes perfectly posing for. I really look like this every single day.
I really am living the kind of life I’m posting through my photo albums. Parties, clubs, high class restaurants. (I’m really empty inside, but I hope my smiles and peace signs will eclipse that) [2 Tim. 3:2 ..People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud..]
Look at my girlfriend/boyfriend, aren’t we cute? We never fight or argue. We’re always just so happy & posing (I hope you don’t find out how bland our relationship really is).
Look at all these leaps of hurdles I’m making in life! Got into this school, got this job, made this much money, etc. (but I hope you don’t see how insecure I am)
Hey, it’s Mother’s day! I better take a pic of me and my mom who I barely talk to and show the world!
Look at this picture posted of my abs from 6 months ago, yeah, you better believe that’s how I look like 24/7.’
I could go on.
It’s exhausting. This ‘stage’.
And what’s more exhausting?
People expect you to continue acting in real life.
People expect you to smile at all times just like the profile picture they saw. People expect you to spit bible verses left and right like a machine. People expect you to really be hyper, funny, exciting every moment of the day.
And when you just don’t feel like talking to anyone or replying back with an enthusiastic CAPS-LOCK or !!!!!!! at the end of every sentence, people think something’s wrong with…. you..?
I despise how people have come to think I am “this” or “that” kind of person 7 days a week.
I’m afraid that I’m reluctantly reaping what I’ve unintentionally sown.
My biggest fear is that people really do think I’m this “image” I’ve falsely advertised out there via social media.
Just being honest, you guys really don’t know me and I really don’t know you.
Hypokrites is a Greek technical term for a stage actor. I am your hypocrite.
*Curtain call*
*Brian bows*
*audience applause*
*curtains close and the cheering is slightly muffled as Brian walks away*
*mask comes off*](http://24.media.tumblr.com/d8d08b3cfe2dc3fa791c2d2fdde1133a/tumblr_mm5s9dz9Ce1qaypt1o1_500.jpg "http://blogforthought.tumblr.com/post/49423640732/social-media-is-a-stage-a-platform-for")
Social media is a stage. A platform for actors/actresses.
The computer screen is our costume. Our mask.
Reality is like being caught in public without your make-up and fake eyelashes.
People bump into you with your guards down in public and they notice you look or seem a bit different.
There appears to be a stark contrast from the person they thought was you behind the computer or phone and the person standing right in front of them.
You s-s-stutter and try to gather your thoughts & ‘personality’ quickly because one of the members of the audience just caught you backstage without your script.
You see, online, we have seconds and minutes before we can reply. No body language engaged or any contact with the eye.
We’re naked without technology. We’re all so socially awkward to some degree.
When we comment on our friend’s facebook page, we’re really actually wanting everyone else to see us interact on stage.
When we could so easily just call, text, email, or fb message, but no, we must show others what we’re talking about, where we’re going, what we like, and what we’re eating (food has become our idols; our belly our god. Phil. 3:19).
We scream deep down inside to the hundreds of others who are watching,
‘This is who I am. Doesn’t my personality look so attractive?
Look at these pictures that I’ve taken 30-minutes perfectly posing for. I really look like this every single day.
I really am living the kind of life I’m posting through my photo albums. Parties, clubs, high class restaurants. (I’m really empty inside, but I hope my smiles and peace signs will eclipse that) [2 Tim. 3:2 ..People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud..]
Look at my girlfriend/boyfriend, aren’t we cute? We never fight or argue. We’re always just so happy & posing (I hope you don’t find out how bland our relationship really is).
Look at all these leaps of hurdles I’m making in life! Got into this school, got this job, made this much money, etc. (but I hope you don’t see how insecure I am)
Hey, it’s Mother’s day! I better take a pic of me and my mom who I barely talk to and show the world!
Look at this picture posted of my abs from 6 months ago, yeah, you better believe that’s how I look like 24/7.’
I could go on.
It’s exhausting. This ‘stage’.
And what’s more exhausting?
People expect you to continue acting in real life.
People expect you to smile at all times just like the profile picture they saw. People expect you to spit bible verses left and right like a machine. People expect you to really be hyper, funny, exciting every moment of the day.
And when you just don’t feel like talking to anyone or replying back with an enthusiastic CAPS-LOCK or !!!!!!! at the end of every sentence, people think something’s wrong with…. you..?
I despise how people have come to think I am “this” or “that” kind of person 7 days a week.
I’m afraid that I’m reluctantly reaping what I’ve unintentionally sown.
My biggest fear is that people really do think I’m this “image” I’ve falsely advertised out there via social media.
Just being honest, you guys really don’t know me and I really don’t know you.
Hypokrites is a Greek technical term for a stage actor. I am your hypocrite.
*Curtain call*
*Brian bows*
*audience applause*
*curtains close and the cheering is slightly muffled as Brian walks away*
*mask comes off*
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When I sit down to read the Great Divorce by CS Lewis
There is no exaggeration here. This is exactly how it is trying to read that book ahahahha. Moving over to ‘A Grief Observed - C.S. Lewis’ instead. Will come back to this book when I find my brain again
Expectation
Reality
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Hosea 6:1
“Come, let us return to the Lord;
for he has torn us, that he may heal us.”
Our God is a jealous God. He sometimes will do irrational things to grasp our attention.
It may seem irrational to us, but to the One who is madly in love & fiercely jealous, everything makes perfect sense and is aligned to His perfect plan so long as the beloved, the church, is back where she needs to be: in the arms of Christ.
“Nothing is inexorable but love. Love which will yield to prayer is imperfect and poor.
Nor is it then the love that yields, but its alloy… For love loves unto purity.
Love has ever in view that absolute loveliness of that which it beholds.
Where loveliness is incomplete, and love cannot love its fill of loving, it spends itself to make more lovely, that it may love more;
it strives for perfection, even that itself may be perfected — not in itself, but in the object…
Therefore all that is not beautiful in the beloved, all that comes between and is not of love’s kind, must be destroyed.
And our God is a consuming fire.” - (George Macdonald)
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Isn’t it awesome that the word ‘disappointed’ doesn’t exist in God’s vocabulary?
Being disappointed implies that things didn’t go your way.
You were expecting one outcome, but received another.
There is nothing that “surprises” God.
There is nothing in your life that can happen that will make God go, ‘Wow, what just happened? I did not see that coming.’
This is the same God who knows what we’re about to say before it’s on our tongue! (Psalm 139:4)
So why do you keep beating yourself up over something that happened years, months, weeks, days, or hours ago?
Do you think God is looking down with His arms crossed “disappointed” in you?
Can we just restate the fact that He is God?
Humans lose control.
Humans get disappointed.
Humans make mistakes.
Humans get surprised when something unexpected happens.
It’s because we’re humans.
Psalm 103:8-14
8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.Stop fretting.
He remembers our frame.
He remembers we’re just dust.
Clay.
Now can you just let go, cooperate, and let the Potter do as He wishes?
Stop making fear/legalism the motive.
It’s His love, grace, and mercy that should make us want to obey and stay faithful and holy.
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Daniel 9:18
“…we do not make requests of you because we are righteous,
but because of your great mercy.”
What a humbling verse.
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Empathy
“It’s funny how people perceive you differently when you have suffered catastrophic loss.
They hear you differently because, in their mind, you are more on their level, so to speak.
It’s been said, “Success builds walls while failure builds bridges.”
In other words, you can speak from your difficulties to others and they are reminded that you live in the same world that they do.”
- (Pastor Greg Laurie speaking on losing his oldest son in a car crash)
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I have a God where I can pound on his chest asking, “Why?” And He can take it. And that’s good news. God is good news to someone who has had a horrible life. I may have had a horrible earthly father, but I know I have a wonderful heavenly Father.
A classmate who shared her testimony of surviving physical, emotional and sexual abuse and sexual exploitation/trafficking by her own father from the age of 2 until 18.
I really don’t know what kind of story the person next to me may have.
(via itsjanet)
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